Arian Foster shared his distaste for fantasy fanatics
“It may just sound all whack and corny, yes it’s awful, blasted, boring. Twisted fiction, sick addiction. Well gather ’round children, zip it, listen. ”
– Dark Fantasy by Kanye West
Fantasy football is an addiction. An awful, twisted, sick addiction. And is often a lot less of a fantasy than we all hoped for.
Let me get this out of the way, I don’t like fantasy football. I’m a lightweight. A couple roster moves and I start feeling a head buzz. I take a couple hits to look cool, but I’m really not inhaling.
To me, fantasy football sounds beautiful, but always ends up on the dark and twisted side. I appreciate the idea of learning more about the athletes and playing a faux NFL season where each “GM” controls his/her team. It gets us more involved and raises the general football IQ of the country.
But at some point fantasy football stopped being a fun, gentle game, and went the way of a dark, dingy, kinky dungeon. Probably around the time I watched three quarters of an NFC West showdown because my kicker was playing.
Everyone knows how fantasy has changed the way we watch a game. We don’t root as whole-heartedly against rivals because there is a good chance their star player is on our fantasy team. The fact that the Jets’ Shonne Green is my fantasy running back makes me sick to my stomach.
But my biggest bugaboo with the fantasy world is the way we talk football these days. Instead of discussing the finer points of our hatred of Peyton Manning, I now find myself talking with fellow Pats’ fans about his trade value. We both still hate him. But not in the “I hope Albert Haynesworth breaks his neck” kind of way anymore, but more of the “I can’t believe I traded him for Ray Rice!” kind of way. There’s something inherently wrong about that. We don’t talk about our favorite team’s weekly match-up at the bar, we talk about our fantasy match-ups.
Will 2 touchdowns be enough for your fantasy team this week?
I’m willing to bet you my fantasy QB (Michael Vick) that instead of watching the entire Ravens – Steelers game this Sunday (which is probably the best game of the weekend) someone asks to check the Cleveland – Cincinnati game because “I need Peyton Hillis to score two touchdowns!” And watching any amount of the Cleveland – Cincinnati game does not constitute a fantasy, no matter how sadistic your tastes are.
Each week at work we’re cruelly subjected to the fantasy musings of the office genius who can’t figure out who to start at the flex position. “Mike Williams against the Chargers or Kenny Britt against the Jaguars?!” Seriously dude? I have my own terrible fantasy roster to watch, and I don’t care how hard your brother-in-law dropped your baby nephew when Graham Gano missed that chip-shot field goal. Other people’s fantasy teams are awful to hear about. But we keep hearing about them. Every. Week.
One final note. The NFL Redzone station is a product of fantasy football. And flipping between games just to see which WR gets credit for the TD is, well, twisted.
I long for the wholesome days of yesteryear, when a Drew Bledsoe to Ben Coates touchdown connection meant six points for the Patriots, not six points for (insert terrible pun) fantasy team. But that innocence is gone. That fantasy habit started harmlessly enough, one toke at a party. You said you’d just play one season, but now it’s full-fledged addiction.
After just one game in 2011, my football season has been anything but fantasy. And if your fantasy involves fantasy football, we might run in different circles.
*Bonus points if you understood the Kanye reference in the title.
The Bleacher Seat 